Sleepwalker

It was dark, the darkness hid myself from the other side of the door. There I was, ready to take what someone had stolen from me a long time ago, long enough to let me feel pain and grief, despair and self-abandonment.

Now hate was curling in my stomach, my head was overflowing with thoughts of a payback no one would ever forget. I spent a hundred hours with planning this situation, thinking about what I would like to say, but my decision was clear, that bastard on the other side of the room would be dead in the next 2 minutes.

I was wearing all black, black was my favourite colour since the day Shou died, I was not afraid to show everyone that I changed, yet that I loved a man, that I was feeling real pain and hatred although I used to be more then positive in the days before that night.

His dark eyes … the warm face … warm tears, hot breath and lips as we kissed for the last time, tasting blood … like a fucking drama – the last word in love.
And I cried, I cried until I didn't know who and where I've been.

…

There was this chance only, the one and last Jui told me, who crouched next to me, supporting me since the day I found him, reluctantly but still he was by my side and I knew he wouldn't try to save me, there were things to him, that are even more important.

I wasn't nervous at all, I felt hate, but gulped it back down to free my sins and stood up, the pistol ready to shot, took a last silent breath and pull the door open and levelled the weapon in less then a second to the guy I searched for about 2 years. I would never forget it, nor would I forget Shous smile. I already heard another body collapsing to the ground to be blamed by Jui, but I didn't cared anymore and stepped forward, eye in eye with that guy, who was holding something.

… it was a sleeping baby, wrapped in a blanket … and his face was scared, not angry, nor was he shouting for help and on my face tears were streaming down the minute I realised where all my misery brought me. I already killed two people and I was going to kill again, not only his live, but the live of his woman, his child and his family, friends, my live …

Shou, you wouldn't like see me doing this, would you?

He would say: "What happened to my lovely Hiro-kun…"

He would look at me, all sad …



I pulled the trigger and glass shattered into thousand pieces behind the man who ruined my life, it was time to begin a new one, but … I didn't killed him. Maybe he remembered me, because he stood still, even when I shot, looking at me with that fear in his eyes wide open.

And after that I ran, Jui nowhere to be seen, but I didn't mind at all, threw the gun into the next channel I passed and run until I fell over again and again and after I collapsed in front of his grave I screamed, I screamed until blood came out of my mouth, until someone found me, and carried me away.

…

Everything is bright now, the brightness of the sun is reflecting on the white clothes I'm wearing. I'm a broken version of the Hiroto from the past now, but I'll live until god decides to bring me back to him.

To Shou.
From me.